Top 10 reasons why there's no coffee in Venezuela's supermarkets

10. There’s no coffee in Cuban supermarkets, either.
9. Chávez drank it all waiting for Evo Morales’ election results.
8. They are smuggling it to Colombia and Brazil, where the lack of good coffee is noteworthy.
7. There’s a lot of good coffee stuck in La Guaira, they just can’t get it over the damn Viaducto.
6. Drinking coffee became imperialistic since we found out Starbucks is not an endogenous cooperative.
5. There’s tons of coffee for you – if you didn’t sign.
4. It’s stored in a mythical chavista place where they store Venezuelan passports, the evidence in the Anderson murder and bi-directional super-spying DirectTV boxes.
3. There’s plenty of good coffee in all Venezuelan stores. This is another media conspiracy.
2. It’s being given away to the poor people of the Bronx to keep warm this winter.

and the #1 reason there’s no coffee in Venezuelan supermarkets is of course…

1. It’s a CIA conspiracy!

PS.- Of course, we all know the real reason is that the government, in a brilliant stroke of Soviet wisdom, increased the controlled price paid to growers and forbade the increase in the controlled price earned by manufacturers. Ergo, there is scarcity, as any first-year economics student could have predicted.