In Johnny We Trust

It really is an extraordinary situation: I don’t think we’ve ever faced such a bizarre, contradictory opinion polling outlook less than two weeks ahead of a vote. The race is either neck and neck, or Chávez is easily ahead. At this point there’s no use torturing the polling tea-leaves for a better answer than that, or hoping for a last minute convergence that just won’t come.

I realize the uncertainty is driving us all slightly batty. I realize we’re angry that the shamanic lords we mislabel pollsters can’t seem to dispel our doubts.

But folks, we might as well take a deep breath, because it’s only going to get worse from here on out. Exponentially worse, building to an insane peak circa 1:30 a.m. on Monday, October 8th, when we’re all going to be good candidates for admission to an insane asylum.

So here is Caracas Chronicles’s patented Survival Guide to the Next 12 Days:

  1. Pour yourself a nice scotch
  2. Watch a stupid RomCom
  3. ‘nother scotch, with a Flores de Bach chaser
  4. Take a walk around the block
  5. Hook up that bottle of Johnny Walker directly to an IV drip
  6. Mix in some Lexotanil with that drip
  7. Breathe in slowly, exhale, then cry a little
  8. Repeat steps 1-7

Seriously, we look to polling to attenuate some of the psychological toll of heading into a momentous event without a clear picture of what to expect. This year, that’s not a useful strategy. If you came here looking for us to fill in that gap, keep walkin’.