la vacance de monsieur padrón

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640px-Playa_El_AguaResulta que a Leonardo Padrón se le ocurrió ir a Playa El Agua:

Dos kilómetros más allá conseguimos un mejor sitio. Se me acerca un vendedor de los clásicos cocteles de la gastronomía playera. “Te tengo el rompecolchón, el vuelvealavida, el matalasuegra, el 7 potencias, liberen a Willy”. El pregonero se explaya en argumentos de venta: “Este te hace crecer el pelo. Este otro te salva el matrimonio”. Luego de una sonrisa, ordeno mi dosis. Pero algo pasa, no sabe igual. El hombre, oriundo de El Yaque, lo acepta: “Sí, le falta su cebollita, su salsa inglesa. Es que no se consiguen”.

Ya el barman que me servía el whisky disimulaba la falta de soda, sugiriéndome que era más sano tomarlo con agua.

En el hotel, el mesonero tuvo que sincerarse en el desayuno: “Para las arepas no hay mantequilla, pero hay Patria”.

Había, en todos, un discurso elusivo, una vergüenza inicial, una necesidad de encubrir las carencias ante el turista. Hay sitios donde sólo te “cantan” el menú para ceñirse a lo existente.

1 COMMENT

  1. Francisco, fyi in French “vacance” is not used in singular. So we should say “Les Vacances de Monsieur Padron.
    Venezuelans are getting used to the “tenemos patria” but the sad truth is they are starving. Terrible Cuban “déjà vu”

    • Starving? WTF are you talking about? Just walk down any street in Caracas or any other city and see the number of fat and even obese people.

      • Arturito,

        Obesity is no symbol of prosperity, ever. Otherwise we could also say Syria is much more prosperous than all of Scandinavia or the Benelux, Syria or Spain.

        And while we are at FAO (for which Maduro was so proud of getting a “certification”, which could be described as such only by people who have no frame of reference)
        http://www.fao.org/docrep/018/i3300e/i3300e.pdf
        Venezuela’s children are more anaemic than those of Colombia.

        • I don’t know why you waste the time with Arturo…I will do my part FYI Arturo, obesiy is a disease, and all those certifications come with a caveat, the data is provided by each country, in our case the WONDERFUL Eljuri, with his new estadísticos, measures…you are poor or not poor, depending if you have a TV set or not!

        • I meant “Scandinavia, the Benelux, Switzerland or Spain”
          One thing I find incredible is the complete lack of honesty of these guys like Arturo.

          * They say inflation now is not as bad as during Caldera 2 (it was very bad back then) because back then it reached 80%, but they forget to take into account that back then
          Peru, Argentina, Brazil, Mexico and several other Latin American countries had much higher inflation rates than Venezuela ever did whereas now we are on a league of our own)
          * They talk about the fluffy human development index of UN but they forget those stats are 1) based on numbers provided by the respective governments and 2) even so,
          Venezuela has been overtaken by a couple of Latin American countries and it overtook none in the same period
          * They talk about a reduction in poverty numbers “certified by UN” (in reality regurgitated into the UN’s mouth by the Chavez government) but those numbers are several years old, they don’t tell us how poverty reduction has been stronger in other Latin American countries and that reduction (which only occurred until about 2007)
          is just crumbles given the fact we are in the middle of the longest, strongest oil boom we have had for many decades.

      • Amazing, Arturo is now reaching for the same arguments you see on Fox News (Poor people don’t need food stamps, just look at how many of them are fat!).

  2. “Te tengo el rompecolchón, el vuelvealavida, el matalasuegra, el 7 potencias, liberen a Willy”
    As my alcohol experience in Venezuela was limited to whiskey and beer, I didn’t realize that there were such inventive names for cocktails in Venezuela.

    “Para las arepas no hay mantequilla, pero hay Patria”.
    When will people start to order “arepas con Patria?”

    Of items on the menu not being available, I am reminded of reading numerous tales of trips to the Soviet Union where many or most of the items on the menu were not available.

  3. Funny thing , I just got back for a large Bodegon here in Playa El Agua trying to find things that we need. Normally a great spot to find these type of things.

    No hay – milk, margarine, bread, toilet paper, dish soap, crackers (like Kraker Bran or Honey Bran), tea, orange juice, etc., etc.
    Serviettes only 2 packs per person

    As luck would have it our posada is closed for October so things aren’t urgent but shortages are getting worse every day.

    Was checking liquor prices for Christmas:
    Cacique Rum .75L – Bs.100
    Vodka Finlandia – Bs.346
    Dewars White Label – .75L – Bs.500
    Old Parr .75L – 12 year – Bs.1.065
    Chivas .75L 12 year – Bs.1.140
    Swing .75L – Bs.1.620
    Chivas .75L 18 year – Bs.2.090

    For those outside Venezuela have a little fun & divide these prices by Bs.6,3 🙂

    These prices are Puerto Libre without mainland taxes so Caracas prices will be significantly higher. Was reading that part of the SICAD “auction” this week was for Liguor importers.
    Anyone want to bet that the prices will be lowered before Christmas?

    • Yes, …yes. But if you happen to own dollars that 346 Bs. bottle of Finlandia now costs approx 7 US dollars on the black market. As mentioned previously, they’re selling 20 dollars for ten bucks…..

    • Yes. You are correct. In Caracas proces are higher. For example Cacique can cost up to Bs. 140.

      However you are wrong on one thing. Liquor has never been imported based on the oficial exchange rate – unless it was done illegally. So diving the prices by 6,30 is ninsensical. You may as well deived the prices by 2,15.

      • Not true. Scotch received official dollars until about 2007-2008 and all liquors and alcoholic beverages recieved SITME dollars until last year. Check your facts

    • Arturo, you are such an uninformed person.

      From the days of Chavez when you wouldn’t answer a direct response on how he had broken the constitution to saying that liguor prices have always been priiced at black market rates. That is just not the case.

      You obviously don’t live here or have done so for very little time.
      The government insists that the rate of Bs.6,3 is a viable & correct rate but even if we take the new SICAD rate of around Bs.12 that still makes a bottle of Chivas 18 yr US$174.
      Is a new Toyota Fortuner worth US$134,519. Toyota supposedly gets Cadivi $$.
      Or even SICAD $$ which would make it US$70,600
      http://www.toyota.com.ve/cars/new_cars/fortuner/pricelist.asp.

      The point is this government is living in a fantasy & has been for 15 years. The system does not work & never will.
      What will you say about another devaluation coming sooner than later?

  4. My impression with Venezuela: aren’t beaches getting completely over-crowded and filthy?
    It seems there are little alternatives in the interior. Before it was the same but we were less and petrol was only very cheap, not almost free.

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