Una Biografía Que es Puro Cuento


Hugo vuela a la EternidadThis…errr…how to put it? This…this.

Ummm…this is. This. Uhhh. This…I mean, uh, this.

O sea…THIS coño.

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    • Wow, I didn’t even realize that’s the title of the post. Las mentes brillantes piensan igual, I guess. Sorry.

  1. Que coño es esta verga? Crcs Chron porfavor aclaren de donde salio este libro y donde/como lo estan distribuyendo. Que crimen como adoctrinan a los niños venezolanos!

  2. I didn’t read it, but looked at the pictures. One can see from the drawings that Chavez came from a poor family who now owns a ranch with swiming pool, servants and guards. Muy conclusion, no matter how poor you’re born, if you’re corrupt enough you’ll make it un this world.

  3. Bah, that image is just revolutionary trash. The rear kissers of the Correo, those who are supposed to be “the real patriots” got wrong even the flag that Miranda had. Do not worry, their attempt for a Castrist-like indoctrination will not fly; reality is too harsh.

  4. That money could be used to pay for several thousand books on mathematics, electricity, biology and Spanish for a public library in Southern Valencia or in Acarigua.

    The text is a weird mixture of Catholic Catechism
    with María Lionza pop cult with Santería with the usual Marxist personality cult all produced while under the influence of some heavy psychotropic mushrooms.

    One thing I find intriguing: the text mentions blond Carles. That guy, brother of the former Carabobo governor Erupto Carles, was a military who got killed during the Caracazo and he was probably killed by part of the same people who are now in power: some extreme left playing the cat-and-mouse spiel with the military.

  5. fighting a war in the afterlife? anyway isn’t religion the opium of the people? said it once will say it again, these guys are neither socialists/nor communists, they are just part of a global phenomena Enchufadismo. Gain power, retain it for as long as possible, enrich yourself and your clique, pass power onto your familiy (Syria, N. Korea, Cuba, Lybia -almost-),

    • Do not dismiss. Besides all the hypocrisy you’re denouncing, the fact that they fantasize about fighting wars in the afterlife is very revealing of their mindset and what their aims in life are: peace is a curse and to make war is bliss.

      They should be writing lyrics for heavy metal songs instead of ruling a country.

  6. This is worse than 2012’s Easter week, when the chavistas pretended to be devout catholics (including bribing Evangelical priests to pray for Chávez) and the wax doll was basically begging to God to not let him die.

    I didn’t believe that such a thing was possible.

  7. This whole biography is dripping in a cloying kitschy goo of corny sentimentalism , such as I cannot stomach . How anyone can find something to like in this boorishly candified recount of Chavez rise to a ‘revolutionary heaven’ is beyond my comprehension .

    There are many things I find abhorrent in living under a Chavista regime but one of the worse is being exposed to the regimes stomach churning corny pomposity of speech and discourse .

    Its not enough that we have to have the blatant lies and bilious vitriolic insults of the regime poured on us constantly and viciously , but that we must also bear this corny pretentious babble being blared from every corner .!! enough to make a sane man mad !!

    • Corny sentimentalism is a mainstay of Venezuelan politics, but, as usual, chavistas go beyond all shame on it.

      The worst case is the few chavista rank-and-file that actually drink the Kool-Aid and ask “why so much hatred?”. Complete mystery.

  8. One of the strongest barriers to aspirational motives among the poor is the imposition of ‘cucarachas’ by not-always-well-meaning folks, whose naïve outlook on life and superiority complexes aim to keep the poor dumb (and essentially down), while the delusionally enlightened puff themselves to make themselves look good in comparison.

    This modality goes hand-in-hand with the naïveté and ignorance of the more powerful, who have insufficient intellectual tools to move a society towards generally accepted principles of social improvement.

    A lose-lose game.

  9. I did not read the pap in full, so I might have just missed reading the most transformative event in Chávez’s life. But for sure, the pictures failed to illustrate the parthogenesis. I mean, how do you miss relaying something as big as giving birth to Maduro.

  10. Francisco,

    Why don’t you try to translate the very last page of that “biography” into English?
    I mean: it’s really really a challenge, not so much because of the language but because of the anthropological dimensions. I mean: for us it’s amazing but aren’t we selfish if we fail to share with the rest of the world this feeling of – how can I express it? – amazement towards the kitsch-grotesque?

  11. The final chapter — translation into English:

    Hugo flies to eternity

    On March 5th in 2013, at 4:25 in the afternoon, that love which becomes eternal and Hugo reunite en the Motherland, inhabited by those, like him, who have dedicated themselves to love humanity and fight for it.

    There, Hugo finds Maisanta, fighting next to Zamora; over there, he sees the very Simon Bolivar, receiving the flag from Miranda; on this side Aquiles Nazoa and Ali Primera improvise a song from the Plains; Ché, Sucre and his friend, “The Blonde” Acosta Carles. Everyone’s there!
    They get in line to receive the recently arrived and they take him to that very place in the Motherland, where he once asked to return, if he were to be born again: (A picture of a palm-thatched mud hut appears on a blue flower, behind several historical personalities, now in the afterlife.)

    “… Father God, send me to the same unforgettable little house of palms, to the same earth floor, the mud walls, the wooden cot and mattress of straw and foam and a large patio full of fruit trees. And a grandmother filled with love and a mother and a father filled with love and some brothers, and a little country town at the edge of the river”.

    Hugo is happy. Grandmother Rosa Inés murmurs, her voice filled with histories and memories. Dusk falls.

    Hugo lies sleeping … on a flower.

    • Damn! You made me cry again, this time in English! Thanks!
      I will do the German translation and add some explanations about who these figures were. I want Germans to cry with us.

      • Here’s a hankie. I wove it myself of palm fibers. Y es desechable, oyó?
        Btw, I wonder what’s next. A Bolivarian high school text on how to manage the economy, by those who dedicate themselves to love humanity?

    • Some people read this blog while eating, you know.

      Jokes aside, thanks for the translation. More evidence of the depravity of this regime is always good.

  12. I wonder if this Chavez, who as a lieutenant, ‘read Lenin with the same passion that he read Bolivar’ is the same Chavez who in 1995 told Agustin Blanco Munoz, ‘I’m not familiar with Marxism, I’ve never read “Capital”, I’m neither a Marxist nor an anti-Marxist’. Chavez started mixing fact and fiction in his biography even before he became president. He probably had trouble distinguishing between one and the other.

  13. I have now found the perfect toilet paper substitute. Thank God, my acaparadora supply at home was running low…

  14. Do people actually write this stuff with a straight face?? Just like Maduro’s Editorial published in the NYT. I don’t know who chose to publish that on April 1st, but I spent all day waiting on some Chavista to say ¡Inocentes!

    • Rather funny. Che, in his purist zealotry and fanaticism, would certainly not have nice things to say to a few of those pictured, including Hugo. But of course, propaganda is not concerned with such inconvenient truths.

  15. Three things came to my mind after wasting 10 minutes of my life reading this>

    1. whats next? I wonder who will be the first Hollywood actor to play Chavez in his forthcoming bio movie (well paid by our oil proceeds)
    2. The meaning of that “por ahora” they did a whole paragraph about that. I blame the people of RCTV, the Oficina Central de Informacion and CAP directly for letting this guy appear on TV. Should have been recorded at least. That “por ahora” was the first step of all this destruction and brutal legacy.
    3. Whos gonna read this? Our kids? Dont think so, is poorly written and by all matters, dumb.

  16. ¿Serán éstos los millones y millonas de libros y libras que repartieron en escuelas y escuelos?
    Cannot translate beause nouns do not have gender in English but just mocking Maduro’s pitch…Lame, an uneducated bus driver leading the blind herd of sheep towards the abysm

  17. Having read this I thought it was extremely enlightening.
    I appreciate you spending some time and energy to put this short article together.
    I once again find myself spending way too much time both
    reading and commenting. But so what, it was still worthwhile!


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