The Week in Bullets

We came up with a name for the Weekend Recap column: The Week in Bullets. Even when you may end up drenched in blood with this edition, please...

We came up with a name for the Weekend Recap column: The Week in Bullets. Even when you may end up drenched in blood with this edition, please know that it is not supposed to be a red pages section. Hopefully, next week we’ll be back to writing about chicken, payoffs, unicorns, and the like. In the meantime, hold on to your sixers and pull out your vomit bags.

Billy get your guns

A cattle rancher was gunned down at Rey David la Boyera while having breakfast. A man came in the cafe, drew his gun, and shot the vic 6 times in the chest. As the story was developing on Twitter, minutes after the shooting, the authorities said it appeared to be a hit: “un sicariato.” Hours later they were linking the murder to drug trafficking, thankfully it couldn’t be attributed to regular everyday crime. Yup, thank god for that.

Your weekly body hacking story

The naked torso of a woman was found in a trash can in Caracas between the corners of Maderero and Puente Nuevo. Head legs and arms nowhere to be found. Neighbors thought it was a mannequin. But no.

There seems to be a pattern in all the body hacking murders of these las months, perhaps it is the works of a serial killer influenced by Hollywood’s capitalist slasher films. Common crime it is not.

The Guarataro Strip


A gang war has been going on in Caracas for the last couple of weeks in Guarataro (west of Catia near 23 de enero). The area was under siege by heavy firing between two drug lords during 3 consecutive days. Families are trapped. But hell, bring in the palestinian kids.

Suspects and Witnesses (good name for a techno merengue band)

As a 5 year old could have foreseen, the Lopez & Co. trial was suspended. What is news, however, was that the authorities apprehended three of the witnesses against López while stealing sound equipment in a warehouse. Allegedly, the men held badges which revealed they work at the DA’s office.

Murder in Guaroland

One of the top stories this week was the cold blooded murder of Angela Medina. Medina was a young model who was studying law at a Lara law school. As the story unravelled fingers started pointing towards the young lady’s boyfriend, David Emiliano Ramirez: A singer/dancer at the longtime wedding singing boyband Los Ilegales. Apparently the motive had to do with the girl’s suspicion of David’s sexuality. He choked her to death with a pillowcase and dumped the body in the cane fields along the old road between Yaritagua and Barquisimeto.


The man confessed. Not to being bisexual, but to murdering his girlfriend.

The authorities have pointed out that the motive of the murder was a passion crime. Thank god.

No redemption in Rotten Town

Luidig Ochoa (AKA CaraeMuerto) had been shot 15 times (3 in his face). 16 and 17 did the charm. He got killed in Maracay after several men flanked him to take his motorbike and belongings. After leaving prison Luidig gained notoriety by releasing an animated web series called “Carcel o Infierno.” A brutally crude account of life in a Venezuelan prison, drafted in a very original and raw style of cartoons. It is worth the watch, however, I warn you, after a couple of episodes you may get an urge for crack or something to make life just a bit easier:

As a side note, he was the current love interest of the infamous model/actress/prostitute/pranlady: Rosita.


Although the murder was attributed to common crime, the circumstances and a suspicious message left by Ochoa’s old Pran (Prison Overlord) may lead some to believe this was no ordinary robbery but revenge. Phew…

Between August 1st and August 8th, 103 corpses were sent to the Bello Monte Morgue. Let me spell that to make it clear. One week, one hundred and three violent deaths. We only included the Hollywod style killings above, which —THANK GOD— don’t qualify as everyday murder and body hacking.