Este Mamagüevo

Venezuela has no shortage of quality grade assholes doing their finest to represent us abroad.

We here at Caracas Chronicles take our journalistic coverage of Venezuela around the world very seriously. Which is why we couldn’t close out the week without bringing you this joyful gem of a patriotic headline hailing all the way from Canberra, Australia.


As it happens, the Embassy of the Bolivarian Republic of Venezuela in Canberra hasn’t paid its rent for months and now owes $50,748 in backpay to a frustrated, 74-year old landlord. In what should be hailed as the year’s best escrache, the landlord used a large truck, a blue pickup, a bobcat and a tractor to block access to the outside of the embassy and the front door of the official residence to demand payment. Cue spectacular douchebag and Venezuela’s Second Most Famous Bad Cross-Country Skier, César Baena, who was shacking up at the Embassy because he “is in Australia to train for next year’s Winter Olympics” in a country known for its frosty, snowy terrain and clearly on his own dime. He punched the senior citizen landlord in the face.

Some choice highlights from Australia’s Daily Telegraph:

“[The Venezuelan Embassy] are behind with the rent and I can’t get an answer which would make common sense from them,” he explained. “The guy who (allegedly) assaulted me told me it was Venezuela’s property, but it is not their property, me and my wife own it.”

Meanwhile, Mr Baena (…) did not shirk from the allegations when contacted by The Daily Telegraph.

“(I said to him) ‘please take that out, that is my country, you are totalling disrespecting our sovereignty (and) he said ‘you are not getting what you want’,” Mr Baena recalled.

“So I punch him in the face. I could give my life to my country if necessary.”

Defending our sovereignty is a new venture for Mr. Baena. Normally he’s been engaged in an illustrious career as an olympic intern. He boasts of being “the only Venezuelan to have been chosen as a volunteer for the 2004 Athens Olympics” (he worked the equestrian gig), worked an unpaid internship with the 2006 Turin Winter Olympics Press Dept., wasn’t invited to the 2010 Vancouver Games, and finally tagged along for the 2014 Sochi games as the symbolic “captain” of the squad after failing to qualify, writing a letter to President Putin whining for not being given a slot on the olympic team, and blaming then-Sports Minister Hector Rodriguez for not backing him. Rodríguez refused to fund his training on grounds that “his sport was very uncommon in Venezuela,” adding that he could not back a rollerskier for a snow event. Baena also trains Venezuela’s First Most Famous Bad Skier and fellow-receiver-of-dubious-funding, Adrian Solano.

Also, did you know that we had a Winter Sports Federation?

Needless to say, this assclown is a professed chavista, who dedicated his rolllersking Guiness World Record to El Comandantepals around with the ZurdaKonducta crowd and gets interviewed by RT.

Earlier this year, Baena took to Twitter to complain about not being given enough press coverage for his accomplishments.

We know CaracasChronicles might seem like small potatoes compared to SIBCI and all its communicational power, but we’re happy to broadcast his story so that César Baena may get the proper recognition he deserves, as the biggest mamagüevo in Australia.

Our mamagüevo.

Emiliana Duarte

Emi is a cook, a lover of animals, politics, expletives, and Venezuela. She is the co-founder of Caracas Chronicles LLC and Managing Editor if the site until December 2017.