Original art by Mario Dávila

Every Who down in Venezuelaville liked Christmas a lot
But the Grinch, who lived just south of Venezuelaville’s capital in Fuerte Tiuna, Did NOT!

The Grinch hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season!
Now, please don’t ask why, no one quite knows the reason

We now know he wants to control it in order to destroy it

All because his heart is a million sizes too small and he loves it.

***

During his first year in office, our Grinch, Nicolás Maduro, decided to start the Christmas season early and by decree, on November 1st, 2013; just like El Chigüire Bipolar foresaw, it would last all the way to 2017.

A week after those mandatory holidays, Maduro ordered on live TV “the immediate occupation of (Daka) and selling all products to the public at a fair price, all products, let there be nothing left on the shelves.” This would later be known as the Dakazo, and it worked wonders for PSUV in the municipal elections that took place a few weeks later.
Massive Christmas enforcement raids (fiscalizaciones, in newspeak) would become a yearly trend, largely due to the Ley Orgánica de Precios Justos, a first version of which was made official a couple months after the Dakazo.

Exactly one year later, Plan Navidad Segura was launched and Christmas “arrived early” again. This time, a big team of elves would help the Grinch: 700 fiscales from Sundee and 27,100 inspectores populares from 13,500 Unidades de Batalla Bolívar-Chávez raided shopping malls and bus terminals.

During Christmas 2015, the enforcement raid show continued; the team of elves included  more than 2,600 fiscales, together with the Guardia Nacional Bolivariana, the ephemeral women union Unamujer, and the Bolivarian Militia.

But in 2015, someone fought off the elves. This might have been related to the opposition political victory of December 6th.

Massive Christmas enforcement raids (fiscalizaciones, in newspeak) would become a yearly trend, largely due to the Ley Orgánica de Precios Justos.

The following Christmas would start even earlier. In July 2016, the Grinch announced the ultimate Christmas plan, 21 semanas y 1/2 por las hallacas agrourbanas”. On December, many toys and clothing stores were raided and EPK kidswear stores were one of the main targets — hence, the Epkazo. And since raiding wasn’t enough, 4 million toys were confiscated from Kreisel.

This November marks the beginning of this year’s Plan Especial Navidades Felices, and the Grinch promised many surprises.

So far, we have the Clap Hallaquero and the Merry Pernil for everyone. The increase of minimum wage doesn’t count, because it’s now as common as an Olga Tañón concert during the oil boom, and raids on meat and poultry sellers began last week, so I’m not sure it counts as part of the Grinch’s plan. What’s it going to be, then? New electoral travesties? Raids on orphanages? Raids and arrests?

We’ll soon know what’ll be the nightmare before christmas.

10 COMMENTS

    • Some of them were promptly provided of legal dollars to replenish part of their stock.

      Daka was fully compensated since it belongs to some enchufados related to the Terrorist Tareck.

      • I heard Farmatodo had a similar deal.

        Most big capital that still stands have an arrangement or other with the government, same with Mendoza. It is really not the big corporate guys that have ever been screwed by chavismo. It is the employees and small business as well as consumers who get the shaft

  1. You would think that the retailers would learn. It only took Chavez to nationalize my in-laws concrete/cement business ONCE before they saw the writing on the wall. Though they were invited to resurrect the company from the ashes of Chavismo (ceased operations within 3 months)… perhaps so it could be re-nationalized again?

    I have made mention of this before. What needs to happen is for the producers and achievers to STOP. Just stop, and do nothing. Atlas Shrugged. What’s the worse that can happen? Are they jailing people for not doing anything…. yet?

    • Well closing a company is a punishable offense by the seniat, they will fine you and maybe take over and give the company to the workers.

      • Indeed! I saw that they took over the Kimberly Clark and GM factories and “gave it to the workers”. And what do these businesses produce?

        Nothing. The same thing that happened when Chavismo took over my in-laws business and thought that the basic laws of economics didn’t apply to Chavistas.

  2. Many a book has been written detailing the best guesses of behavioral scientists as to why people do not simply leave abusive relationships. All these scholarly ramblings reduced to their simplest form: It’s easy to convince people that living with the devil you know is better than living with the angel you don’t. Losing Christmas to the Grinch is no big deal after you’ve already tossed the quality of your life, and that of your most vulnerable citizens, into the garbage pail of Cuba style socialism. It is reported that the wife of Venezuela’s dictator is an avid follower of Sathya Sai Baba, who was an Indian guru. He claimed to be the reincarnation of Sai Baba of Shirdi and his primary “miracle” was manifesting ashes out of thin air. Being the worshiper of a Hindu it’s doubtful that the real power behind the throne in Venezuela, Cilia Flores, puts much credence into Christmas.

  3. I am guessing a new “Suena Caracas” and a few more dollars in the dicom auctions to keep the double morals middle class milking the tits of the state they so love hating.

    The rest is fucked thought, i doubt there will be many cheap perniles or VIT laptos going around. At least not unless for people out of the military.

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