Letter for a Governor So Crazy He Could End Up Doing the Smart Thing

An open letter to Carabobo’s polemic, wannabe influencer/governor. If he got this far doing crazy stuff, how far could he go if he used his powers for good?

Photo: La Iguana TV

Dear Rafael Lacava,

Ugh. I can’t believe I wrote that. I suppose I must build some rapport with you. After all, you are my home state’s governor, my school and the community where I grew up depend on your goodwill… and I have a proposal for you.

I’ve been against your influencer approach to “fighting crime” and your demonization of innocent people who wouldn’t be seeking easy rents if the state did its job properly. I’ll admit que portas el estilo and your raves look cool, but every debauched party you throw means carabobeños get less to eat. Some do horrible, desperate things. Some just starve.

But I’ll put that aside for a second. You look like a guy who can listen to reason, an opportunist, not a commie at heart. So, do you want to be Venezuela’s Deng Xiaoping and turn the ship around while getting rich and powerful? Okay, listen up.

That Bitcoin thing you’ve got the Naguanagua mayor playing with? It’s big. Not just teenagers-buying-Lamborghinis-big, it’s a huge technological revolution in the making. You can be responsible for Venezuela getting on it, and I mean getting on the real crypto-deal, not making up some vaporware for idiots.

I’m not going to lie: this will take serious long-term effort, something I know your party isn’t fond of. But get it right and you will become President.

Yes, President Lacava! You like the sound of that? That means Maduro and his cronies are your enemies now, and they’re making a mistake with the petro. Don’t interrupt them. Give them your retweets and pledge your loyalty. Whatever, man. Let them waste their time while you get to work.

You can be responsible for Venezuela getting on the real crypto-deal, not making up some vaporware for idiots.

First, order more Antminers for every public office under your control. Get the machines up and running, silently making money for you. Invest your buddies’ #BloodBonds profits and dry up those Swiss bank accounts to buy coin. For you, crypto is the new offshore bank. If you hire smart people to manage your crypto fund, you’ll see your nest grow.

WAIT! Don’t spend it on lambos yet. You’re going to need all of it. Ajá, I told you this would be hard. Maduro’s loyal superintendent and his Blockchain Observatory will be watching you closely, so you’ll have to be cunning. Keep a low profile and gradually buy influence in SEBIN for protection, as you control a growing share of Venezuela’s mining operations.

You’ll have to let go of the Cuban control-freak impulses. Bitcoin is a decentralized movement and will require you to delegate rather than micromanage, to incentivize rather than command. Reach out to entrepreneurs being driven out of China, and help them set up shop in the country with the most-heavily-subsidized electricity on the planet. Levy taxes (but not too much, or they’ll leave). You’ll see that capitalism, well, cooperation through incentives specifically, works!

They’re making a mistake with the petro. Don’t interrupt them. Let them waste their time while you get to work.

Then will come the real test: you’ll need to generate more electricity. Invest your profits in sustainable cheap energy. Start early if you don’t want your network of mining farms to cause mass blackouts, and for God’s sake, don’t fall into Derwick’s thermoelectric trap. Think long-term or you’ll lose the game. Hire great crypto economists, attract decentralized investors, and the eyes of the entire crypto community will be on you.

What about Carabobo state? If you can hold off the temptation to steal the money now, you’ll be able to fund food imports, better policing, and decently run public services. You can even index the salaries of your most loyal public servers to the international price of bitcoin, curbing the effects of hyperinflation for them. You’ll have a small enclave of 2009, booming Venezuela, ten years later. The better you run your state, the more you may compete for software talent and crypto bros that get bored of Puerto Rico.

Meanwhile, Maduro will self-destruct like commies do. I don’t need to tell you what’s next, do I? You’ll find power lying in the gutter, pick it up. Winning that election fair and square will be easy.

Congratulations, future mister President. Get to work now. If not for the people starving, for your own millions and a place in Venezuelan history.