Letter for a Governor So Crazy He Could End Up Doing the Smart Thing

Photo: La Iguana TV

Dear Rafael Lacava,

Ugh. I can’t believe I wrote that. I suppose I must build some rapport with you. After all, you are my home state’s governor, my school and the community where I grew up depend on your goodwill… and I have a proposal for you.

I’ve been against your influencer approach to “fighting crime” and your demonization of innocent people who wouldn’t be seeking easy rents if the state did its job properly. I’ll admit que portas el estilo and your raves look cool, but every debauched party you throw means carabobeños get less to eat. Some do horrible, desperate things. Some just starve.

But I’ll put that aside for a second. You look like a guy who can listen to reason, an opportunist, not a commie at heart. So, do you want to be Venezuela’s Deng Xiaoping and turn the ship around while getting rich and powerful? Okay, listen up.

That Bitcoin thing you’ve got the Naguanagua mayor playing with? It’s big. Not just teenagers-buying-Lamborghinis-big, it’s a huge technological revolution in the making. You can be responsible for Venezuela getting on it, and I mean getting on the real crypto-deal, not making up some vaporware for idiots.

I’m not going to lie: this will take serious long-term effort, something I know your party isn’t fond of. But get it right and you will become President.

Yes, President Lacava! You like the sound of that? That means Maduro and his cronies are your enemies now, and they’re making a mistake with the petro. Don’t interrupt them. Give them your retweets and pledge your loyalty. Whatever, man. Let them waste their time while you get to work.

You can be responsible for Venezuela getting on the real crypto-deal, not making up some vaporware for idiots.

First, order more Antminers for every public office under your control. Get the machines up and running, silently making money for you. Invest your buddies’ #BloodBonds profits and dry up those Swiss bank accounts to buy coin. For you, crypto is the new offshore bank. If you hire smart people to manage your crypto fund, you’ll see your nest grow.

WAIT! Don’t spend it on lambos yet. You’re going to need all of it. Ajá, I told you this would be hard. Maduro’s loyal superintendent and his Blockchain Observatory will be watching you closely, so you’ll have to be cunning. Keep a low profile and gradually buy influence in SEBIN for protection, as you control a growing share of Venezuela’s mining operations.

You’ll have to let go of the Cuban control-freak impulses. Bitcoin is a decentralized movement and will require you to delegate rather than micromanage, to incentivize rather than command. Reach out to entrepreneurs being driven out of China, and help them set up shop in the country with the most-heavily-subsidized electricity on the planet. Levy taxes (but not too much, or they’ll leave). You’ll see that capitalism, well, cooperation through incentives specifically, works!

They’re making a mistake with the petro. Don’t interrupt them. Let them waste their time while you get to work.

Then will come the real test: you’ll need to generate more electricity. Invest your profits in sustainable cheap energy. Start early if you don’t want your network of mining farms to cause mass blackouts, and for God’s sake, don’t fall into Derwick’s thermoelectric trap. Think long-term or you’ll lose the game. Hire great crypto economists, attract decentralized investors, and the eyes of the entire crypto community will be on you.

What about Carabobo state? If you can hold off the temptation to steal the money now, you’ll be able to fund food imports, better policing, and decently run public services. You can even index the salaries of your most loyal public servers to the international price of bitcoin, curbing the effects of hyperinflation for them. You’ll have a small enclave of 2009, booming Venezuela, ten years later. The better you run your state, the more you may compete for software talent and crypto bros that get bored of Puerto Rico.

Meanwhile, Maduro will self-destruct like commies do. I don’t need to tell you what’s next, do I? You’ll find power lying in the gutter, pick it up. Winning that election fair and square will be easy.

Congratulations, future mister President. Get to work now. If not for the people starving, for your own millions and a place in Venezuelan history.



Caracas Chronicles is 100% reader-supported. Support independent Venezuelan journalism by making a donation.


  1. An ode to a CORRUPT THIEF:


    “The chavista mayor Rafael Lacava
    The luxurious life of the chavismo puppies in Barcelona

    The family of the mayor of Puerto Cabello and prominent chavista lives in Spain to its fullest
    One of his four sons plays in the Barça youth academy
    Takes his children to an exclusive school that costs 45,000 euros a year”

    People seem to be so obsessed with finding a “chavista that might be good deep inside”, and it ALWAYS ends with stuff like Henri “I never did anything against colectivos” Falcón, nor Francisco “triple-toad-chicken” Arias.

    • Would you rather deal with a President Lacava that embraced capitalist reforms or President Falcón? Because President López and President Capriles aren’t happening unless marines credibly threaten to invade.

      This is a bad outcome, but it’s not the worst outcome.

      • I guess that’s the same question that many asked when they dealt with Arias Cárdenas and Falcón.

        So yeah, no one that’s been a hardcore chavista has shown to be of use for anything other than helping chavismo to keep their grip on power and continue their mafias.

        And honestly, I feel kinda mocked to ever hear something as laughable as “president Capriles”, a guy who let the presidency to be stolen from his hands twice and sent people that was willing to defend him away with the tired argument of “avoiding a bloodshed”, even when there’s been about hundreds of times as more bloodshed in the last years because that choice, but nothing else could be expected from someone whose speech was dangerously populist as Chavez’s was in 1998.

        López is a person who burned all the political capital he earned from being locked in a cell by allowing Zapatero on his house to arrange the continuation of chavismo, which as everybody knows meant at least 50.000 more avoidable deaths on the last year.

        The worst outcome is the one that’s currently happening: chavismo in power, simple as that, and a flamboyant corrupt such as Lacava (And every single other “chavista tránsfuga” or “disgruntled chavista”) will only ensure that scenario continues to be by keeping all the mafias intact and thus ensuring that people continue dying by tens of thousands per year.

        And also, because the money he stole people has died too, so he deserves nothing less than 30 years in a cell.

        The obssession of some to bury atrocious crimes so easily is another of the factors that helped chavismo to consolidate power in the first place, because “forgetting” that Chávez and his cronies slaughtered two hundred people in a single night or that the cubans tried to invade Venezuela for almost a straight decade was what allowed them to reach power.

  2. To those who don’t live here in Carabobo: It’s frightening the amount of… attention and sympathy (rather than full fledged support, I’d say) this guy gets. And it’s especially noteworthy in the pro-opposition upper-middle class population of Northern Valencia, which is notoriously hostile to chavismo. There seems to be some sort of fascination among the younger population with the man, due to his style and charisma. Not many people around here disapprove how he’s handling his administration, since he seems to be doing stuff that former governor Ameliach hadn’t bother with since 2014.

    He’s playing his cards very well, for now.

      • I’ve come to disgust the very word “Pragmatism” in Venezuela, seeing how it came to mean “this guy is a blatant criminal but we’ll forget all of that and spit in the face of his victims just to deceive other people for a bit longer”

  3. “…index the salaries of your most loyal public servers to the international price of bitcoin…”– Goldman Sachs says that bitcoins are going eventually to zero value. Apart from not being a store of real value, being stolen by hackers, and of difficult transactionability, bitcoin supply is practically endless, as new suppliers constantly come on the market, whereas bitcoin demand is finite–you might as well index salaries to the international price of the Bolivar….

  4. To select another Chavista Mega-Thief, one should aim for the top specimens. Granted, this son-of-a-filthy-whore Lacaya dude must have stolen millions of dollars, but we can do better. How about Rafael Ramirez for President with Luisa Ortega Ortega as VP? They both also “embraced capitalist reforms”, big ones, in Europe. Oh, and don’t forget, get some Kleptozuelan Timochenkos, more Tareks in congress too, they’ll facilitate capitalistic reforms on drug trade and the klepto-petro.

  5. Ignoring the governor, is the author suggesting the solution to the Venezuela problem is crytocurrency mining? If so, and also ignoring the electric grid collapse, WTF?

  6. An abominable evangelist preacher and a twisted chavista soccer dad, both proven kleptomaniacs, the latest candidates for President in our beloved Klepto-Cubazuela. Who’s next, Adrian Chavez or Iris Varela?

    • Either diosdado, his daughter who has liquified dollars in her implants, or his wife who imprisons and force feeds rotten food with worms to anyone who dares to disrespect her.

  7. I am getting a headache. Is your confidence so shot that you cannot come up with a viable solurion that does not involve another radioactive exposure to the chavistas. You are a young guy. Dream bigger. Self perception is everything at this critical point.

  8. A beautiful, naked girl is laying under a tree, moaning in what seems to be lustful anticipation.

    Dr. Joseph wanders by, an engineering professor, and notes, “What wonderful engineering is the human body! Mechanisms to intake nutrition and extricate waste, and in the female, to replicate the species and even feed the baby from within her own body.”

    He leaves, when young art student Juan approaches, and compliments, “Look at the beautiful lines and curvature of the figure. The symmetry and fluidity of those breasts. The gleaming reflections of sunlight from her glistening hair and twinkling eyes!”

    But off to art class he goes, when an economics professor approaches, gasping:

    “This is brilliant economics! The sun is shining, the temperature is moderate, so this beautiful young woman made a thrifty decision to forego the use of clothing today, thus reducing the expense of clothing wear and tear from her monthLy budget!” And off he goes to his office to write down his newly discovered economic theory.

    Finally, a simple fellow comes by. A laborer, not very cultured and smart, but a hard worker and honest soul. Let’s call him Ira.

    And he proceeds to fuck the living shit out of her for hours and hours.

    My point? There are several.

    The smartest of the four is obviously Ira. He knew what to do with what he had, and he obviously got more “use” out of it than the others. (And please pardon my usage of the word “use” in this sexual context.)

    And Ira didn’t know a thing about engineering, art, or economics…so what value did these characteristics of the woman mean to him?

    So what value is a crypto going to have to your average Venezuelan who doesn’t understand what the hell a crypto even is?

  9. Seriously, the author suggests that the Guvnur’ taking up bitcoin or El Petro will carry him to the presidency? He backed away saying that’s taking what he wrote too far”. But that’s what you wrote, and Quico as editor allowed to print. That’s F’d up dude..

    Venezuela is f’d because no one has a serious plan to climb out of the sewer. How about a plan that puts people to work, free up capital, eliminate currency controls, criminalize real crimes with consequences, focus on eliminating lines/colas and improving efficiency (i know that’s a boogeyman word in socialism). I hate to admit it ( but tell my Vz wife everytime “excelente “ when I hear bad news) maybe things have to get so sucky that between starvation and death due to lack of food, medicine and security that el pueblo will consider there is a better way. I’ll believe that when they step out of the cola and start to take steps on their own. In the meantime the debate here is between acepting international intervention or food handouts.. and you wonder how Venezuela got to this point. abajo cadenas is a good start.

    • You need to read more carefully. I said claiming “the solution to the Venezuela problem is crytocurrency mining” is taking my argument too far, but Lacava may have a shot at the presidency if he executed this strategy. He won’t be able to: his ties with Maduro run too deep.

      It’s not that no one has a serious plan to climb out of the sewer. We have published several such plans on this site:

      It’s that we need a regime change, and the guys with the guns don’t want it. Simple as that.

      • “It’s that we need a regime change, and the guys with the guns don’t want it. Simple as that.”

        So the only solution is to rot and die. That’s the “plan to get out of the sewer” you’re presenting.

  10. Pana, tremendo wanabe, no quería escribir en inglés como lo hacen muchos mismos venezolanos en este artículo, tenía tiempo que no veía a un tipo tan snob, escribiendole una carta a Lacava en inlglés para que lo lean los venezolanos en inglés jajajaja que vaina tan snob. Suerte.

    • El artículo está en inglés porque la audiencia de la página lee inglés y no sabe papa de español.

      Ahora, en el idioma que sea, considerar a ese ladrón de siete suelas Lacava como alguien que pueda servir de algo es risible porque es una alimaña tan arrastrada y podrida como cualquier otro chavista pesado dueño se alguna mafia.


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here