Even the rectal sovereignty is imported…


cant-tell-if-irony-or-just-trolling-thumb.jpgTo stop the “imperialist plan” to deprive us from toilet paper and making our lives (even more) miserable, the State has joined forces with a major corporation del Imperio mesmo to supply us with all the necessary TP.

In fact, even the State-owned Bicentenario supermarket chain is now selling toilet paper made in the good ol’ U.S. of A.

How come? Isn’t Bolivian TP not good enough for you anymore?

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  1. “How come? Isn’t Bolivian TP not good enough for you anymore?”
    It would appear to be an issue of the Evil Empire being better able to accommodate a big emergency purchase than Bolivia. Note the article’s stressing that the export of TP to Venezuela will be a small part of Bolivian TP production. Yoyo can use Google Translate.

    La oposición cuestionó las ventas del producto, arguyendo que Bolivia es importador, principalmente de Perú y Chile, y que este tipo de exportación pondría en riesgo el consumo interno.

    El Ministerio boliviano explicó que la eventual exportación “representan el 0,25% del total de papel higiénico que se produce en el país”.

    It would be interesting to find out if Bolivia is actually a net importer of TP, as the article claims.

    With ample forests, it would appear that Venezuela would be able to produce its own TP. But the same argument could be made for coffee, for example. The reply would be the same: not with the rules under which the Venezuelan economy operates. Nothing new here.

  2. Not to worry: this crisis should slowly fade as food shortages will ease pressure on Toilet-Paper demand over time; it’s a delicately balanced way of dealing with the situation but seemingly efficacious, after all, has anyone heard of there being any similar crisis in Cuba?

  3. Anti-imperialism is soon to be the new criollo myth to tell kids about, right alongside El Coco and Raton Perez.

  4. They should have teemed up with Walmart. Walmart’s Best Value brand has been voted the best toilet paper in the US. Definitely, a lot cheaper than anything Kimberly-Clark Corporation could produce.

    • That’s very kind of you! I can picture it: “Oh, Miguel, you didn’t need to”- says the host while blushing.
      “Oh, it’s the least, you have been so kind to me over the years”

      And now it’s going to be a status symbol. I can imagine the boys giving toilet paper to their girlfriends as a present…all wrapped up.
      “Ah, Luis Fernando, qué me trajiste aqui? ” – big smile, holding the package with her both hands, weighing it- “Is it a book? jewellery? That leather bag? Oh, my-God! It’s Kirkland brand toilet paper! I LOVE you”

      • Miguel needs to learn the art of gift giving, you don’t just give people gifts like Kirkland toilet paper! It puts your host in an awkward position throwing money and privilege around like that.

  5. To avoid falling into the hands of the evil imperio due to T.P. shortages there should be a presidential decree issued ordering us to use other, more natural, forms of personal hygene. Such as prohibiting eating with the left hand.
    Or, perhaps, a system similar to that suggested for food purchases in Maracaibo- issue cards to the populace which would control the frequency of which we could use the toilet.

  6. Well, we get some of the gasoline for driving cars from El Imperio Mesmo… Once logical consistency is abandoned, the sky is the limit…


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