1-800-SNITCH

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Facho

We dangle the word “Facho” (slang for fascist) quite easily. It’s a quick way to refer to certain individuals in the government who act as – how to put it nicely? – psychotic bullies. Sometimes, the term just fits.

From the top of my head, some examples of chavista facho moments: 

  • Chávez firing thousands of workers from PDVSA during his live TV Show in 2003, whistle in his mouth;
  • Housing Minister Ricardo Molina, after Maduro was sworn as President, saying that he did not care what labor laws said but whoever was not with the revolution would have to go; 
  • Maduro threatening protesters with the unspeakable violence of the colectivos earlier this year; 
  • Diosdado last week, and every week of his life; and 
  • Francisco Ameliach, governor of Carabobo, when he “encouraged” armed colectivos and government supporters to go after demonstrators in Valencia, resulting in a massacre that included the slaughter of two young women.

Oh, Ameliach. He is back at it again. As the PSUV’s VP of Electoral Events, he announced that his pesuvian comrades now have a new means to help identify those escuálidos who cross-dress in Rojo-Rojito. He said:

Any militant who has been promoting division must be denounced through our email [email protected] or by calling 0416-9425792.

Yes, he formally launched a gmail account and all new cellphone line that patriotas cooperantes (the euphemism for Government Snitch) may use to identify any infiltration in the PSUV’s ranks by anybody who does not act according to Chavez’s mandate. As usual, mean, childish, and mediocre. But also, incredibly counter-productive, because nothing sows mistrust and factionalism more than a good ol’ fashioned witchhunt.

Remember: 0416-9425792. Go ahead. Call. Prank a Facho.

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1 COMMENT

    • That’s what happens for letting the antipolitic stupidity get under their skins, complaining all what they wanted about the Salas, those folks were infitely better than the murderers that got elected.
      The same happened with Zulia and Táchira.

      • That’s exactly what I said to my anti-prove frieds during #LaSalida: “Weren’t you all touting ‘qué ladilla con los Salas’? Enojoy your Governor directed colectivos, now!”

  1. Chavistas/Maduristas can do no harm. They’re not capable of committing crimes, breaking the law or making stupid decisions. The problem is that the opposition has infiltrated theirs ranks at all levels to do these evil things, generally under guidance from the CIA.

  2. Buenos días, llamo para denunciar al buró político del PSUV y el alto mando político de la revolución. It would be just fantastic if they received some 20 thousand calls like that. Uh, also, ‘llamo para denunciar a la chillona que sale en la publicidad de Fit Ven’.

  3. So this is the type of posts that make me realize the differences between Venezuelans from different backgrounds. I have a degree in Political Science from La Casa que Vence La Sombra and in those circles “facho” is never used to refer to powe-abusive chavistas. Any abuse of power from the State is just that, abuse of power. Adjectives to describe it based on an ideology should be directed to the ideology they profess. Let’s not forget socialists have more civil rights violations and deaths under their arms than “fachos”. Failing to differentiate between boths is falling in the rethoric of the gov’t and allowing that future lefties fool us with the “oh, it’s just chavismo wasn’t really socialist… it was… ehmmm… radical populism”, just like communists do with the Soviet Union now, “oh, the soviet union wasn’t communist, it was… ehm… State capitalism”… whatever that’s suppose to mean.

    • If it failed, it could not be socialism, because socialism is perfect and infallible. Socialism cannot fail. It can only be failed.

      /snark

  4. Imagine you are the Imperialist Wizard in charge of espionage against the Noble Bolivaran Revolution. You are asking yourself: “Where could I get a list of disgruntled revolutionaries that I might use for purposes of subversion? A list of insiders who might be persuaded to inform on their superiors?

    And, finding out about this new initiative, you begin to wonder whether somehow, somehow, the NSA might be able to access this data. You could find out who is saying what about whom. The revelations of Edward Snowden make the Imperialist Wizard think that NSA just might have the capacity to read gmail.

    In fact, this would be such a sweet deal for Imperio, Incorporated, that I begin to suspect this Amelliach himself. Why is he doing this? Whose interest is he really serving?

    I feel a duty to act.

  5. In Venezuelan popular culture snitches are seen as nausating and abominable , there is no simpathy for the ‘do gooder’ who collaborates with authorities by denouncing any one to the police. Not even if the guy is a criminal . People might do it in certain circles ( where people work closely together) but will never admitt to doing it, its too revolting this is more a Cuban thing .

    The snitch is popularly called a ‘Sapo’ or frog and to be called that is the ultimate insult .( Zapatas caricatures are full of Sapos)

    The govt thug ( of which there are many ) is called a ‘esbirro’ and the connotation of the term is equally unsavory and offensive .

    Dont understand why they need to resort to snitches because if people hate snitches they are very gosipy and loquatious of all they come to know so eventually there are no secrets , the grapevine is a sieve.

    Secondly if the Cubans have set up their customary listening and other devices they probably have the goods on everybody inside and outside the govt. So whats a snitch to reveal that they dont already know.

  6. Let’s see, how will these calls go?

    Tip Line: Buenos dias.

    Informant: I want to denounce my boss. He is talking shit about Maduro.

    Tip Line: Very well, can I have your name? Cedula number? Address?

    Informant: Click….

  7. Ok, let get 50,000 people to all write and email [email protected] about the heretical activities of a top Chavista of the week. Make a list of Chavista’s and start at the top with Maduro. Maduro is not following the laws, Maduro once said “Chavez could not count his fingers and get the same numbers twice”, Maduro is taking money from the CIA, Maduro is secretly meeting with Cabello’s wife, Maduro ordered all small birds smashed to pieces and burned, Maduro is hoarding tollet paper, Maduro has a mansion in Cuba ready to go, etc.

    The possiblities are endless. The snitch line can work two ways.

    • I just sent them this email.
      Subject Matter: Ministerio de la Verdad

      La guerra es la paz
      Libertad es la Esclavitud
      Ignorancia es Fuerza

      04 de abril 1984

  8. Oh, boy, I’m gonna have so much fun trolling these fuckers xDDDD

    For the email, send them every meme from Dolar Today xDDD

    And for the telephone line, follow Stan Marsh’s example, folks!

    Ah, people, this could be important, DON’T CALL THEM FROM YOUR OWN PHONE, NOR SEND THEM ANYTHING FROM YOUR OWN COMPUTER! Call them from a call center, email them with brand new email accounts made in navigation centers (Registering yourselves there with fake data, so they can’t trace you easily)

    *Takes the tablet and starts doodling trolling stuff for chaburros while cackling*

  9. In the last few years, the phonetically equal term “fasho” or “fashoo” has risen in popularity in gringo slang. It is the bastardization of the old 80s slang term “For sure”.

    Rat out a facho? Fasho.

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