When you read Venezuelan newspaper every day, you’re exposed to a nearly limitless expanse of belief-beggaring insanity. It’s easy to get desensitized, it takes a lot to make you do a double take.

But this piece…man, this piece.

In journalistic deadpan, TalCual informs us that the government’s latest bright idea to handle basic product shortages is…switching around which days you can go shopping at state distribution outlets according to the final number on your National ID card.

It used to be if your cédula ended in 0-1 you went on Mondays, 2-3 you went on Tuesdays, 4-5 was Wednesday, 6-7 Thursday, and 8-9 on Friday.

That was too intuitive, so now it’s Monday 8-9, Tuesday 4-5, Wednesday 6-7, Thursday 2-3 and Friday 0-1.

That will help because…well, um. It’s uh. Um. It’ll just help, ok?

But there’s more!

To face down the merciless scourge of people waiting in line since the night before, it has been decided that all people will need to bring documentary evidence of their address to the grocery store (!!!) and then, at 7 a.m., will be invited to drop their national ID in a big, lottery-style drum so their place in line is decided at random (capuskicapubulcoñoooo!)

It’s March, 2016. These guys still have not the slightest hint of a clue what they’re doing.

 

51 COMMENTS

    • Yeah, I see great problems with this.
      There will be riots.

      Idiots.
      It’s like the stupid ½ hour time difference.

      Why did you make this change?
      Because I could!!

      • I have a way better idea.

        First, take all the deck chairs on the Titantic: number them, then move them around at random.

        Next, do a draw. Put everyone’s ID in a barrel to be extracted one by one to decide who gets to sit in each numbered chair. If your ID is chosen sixth, then you get to sit in chair number 6!

        Why should early risers always get their choice of the best chairs? The Titantic Bolivarian Circle can organize chair distribution for everyone’s benefit.

  1. Coming up next, if you bring 10 loyal PSUV voters to your nearest election center, you earn 10 coupons to participate in a raffle for 1 of the 10 Gran Misión Vivienda Venezuela in your area

  2. “To face down the merciless scourge of people waiting in line since the night before, it has been decided that all people will need to bring documentary evidence of their address to the grocery store (!!!) and then, at 7 a.m., will be invited to drop their national ID in a big, lottery-style drum so their place in line is decided at random (capuskicapubulcoñoooo!)”

    COÑO DE LA MADRE QUE TIENE ESTA GENTE EN LA CABEZA?!?!?!?!

  3. This is what happens when the government believes the problem is that the controls are badly designed or implemented, instead of realizing the problem is the existence of controls. It’s in the socialist DNA.

  4. This sounds like some policy designed by the brilliant scholar luis salas, and the measure is in fact a gigantic middle finger stabbing people’s eyes as all the red nomenklature laughs their asses off.

    #TrolleoNivelAristobulo+Arreaza+Salas

  5. The best part: these cabezaeñame don’t think that, if the bachaqueros are smart enough to get 30 people with the same last ID number and place themn in the line, they can also can grease on the hands of every consejo comunal president needed to get those valuable cartas de residencia.

  6. And yet, the FAO Caracas representative, Mr. M. resendes, just lauded the Food distribution system of the Venezuelan government as one of the best in the world. I just sent FAO the following letter:
    March 13, 2016
    Food and Agriculture Organization,
    Washington DC Liaison Office
    2121 K St NW #800b, Washington, DC 20037
    FAOLOW@fao.org
    Dear Sirs:
    I hope you will convey this letter to its appropriate recipient, since I am not sure which office should be the one to consider its contents.
    My name is Gustavo Coronel. I am a Venezuelan citizen, now living in Virginia, USA. I am not an expert in your field, just an observer of the current Venezuelan reality in the food and agricultural sector. As you probably know the availability of food and the situation of the agricultural sector in Venezuela has become critical, to the point that the Venezuelan National Assembly has declared a state of emergency to exist in these areas. Due to the disastrous policies generated by the government that has been in place for the last 17 years, Venezuela, in spite of the highest oil income in history, has become a country where markets lack all essential foodstuff and where the Venezuelan people have to stand in line for hours to obtain the most meager food items, just barely enough for day to day subsistence. The country depends heavily on food imports, largely controlled by government agencies. This has generated significant corruption since tons of food, grossly over-billed, have been imported already in rotten conditions and have been found abandoned and hidden. These imports are mostly done through mafias made up of government bureaucrats and its friends. The cases are numerous and I am sure you will be able to find them in the Venezuelan and international press, see just one example: http://www.maduradas.com/lo-que-vtv-no-cuenta-hallan-45-toneladas-de-comida-podrida-en-camiones-de-pdval-en-falcon/

    In parallel with this tragic situation your organization maintains a representative in Venezuela, Mr. Marcelo Resendes, at least since 2013, who has become a prominent supporter of the Venezuelan government policies related to food availability and distribution. His laudatory comments have been abundant and defy the reality which is evident to the eyes of anyone living in Venezuela today. Last year, in April 2015, he publicly declared (my translation):
    “Venezuela is an example of good public policies to combat hunger, not only in our region but in the whole world. FAO recognizes these efforts. He added: “Venezuela is one of the countries with the largest public food distributing network: Mercal, Mercalito, PDVAL, Bicentenario and FAO can see this and congratulates the Venezuelan people. You can always count with FAO’s support”. And went on to say (abbreviated): “In name of the United Nations I want to congratulate you. Here we have a vivid example of how communes and government are winning food security and sovereignty”.
    Coming at a time in which Venezuelan suffer a tragic food crisis and when corruption in those governments institutions mentioned by Mr. Resendes are very well documented, these expressions of support by FAO’s Caracas representative have been considered by Venezuelans as extremely cynical. In fact, PDVAL and Bicentenario bureaucrats have been found to be involved in massive corruption, see: http://www.eluniversal.com/nacional-y-politica/160130/presos-presidentes-de-abastos-bicentenario-y-cval-por-hechos-de-corrup
    By coincidence, in those same days of 2015, the Venezuelan government had transferred $12 million to the FAO’s Caracas office to finance a program to “eradicate hunger”.

    In the last few days, March 2016, Mr. Resendes has, again, made extremely laudatory comments about the Venezuelan food disaster. He has said, see: http://www.noticierodigital.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=20944 : My translation: “I congratulate the people and government of Venezuela for the existence of the best public food distribution network and for structuring an active social participation and organization [in this sector].

    Mr. Marcelo Resendes has probably been in Venezuela too long and has been clearly co-opted by the Venezuelan regime to become one of its most ardent supporters. His pro-government bias is not only unjustified but cruel, in light of the Venezuelan reality. I, as a Venezuelan citizen, protest against this unprofessional posture by the FAO Caracas office representative. I think this deserves an investigation by FAO’s highest authorities since the name of the organization is being invoked to support what is, in fact, a major tragedy.

    I am at your service in case you need further information,
    Sincerely,
    Gustavo Coronel
    8360 Greensboro drive #710
    McLean, Virginia 22102
    703-2567470

    .

    • (Betcha ten bucks the yo-yo’s put your letter on Resendes’ desk.) (Seriously – thanks. If more people wrote more letters, it would help.)

    • Bravo to you for making the effort. Honest people in that organization should be aghast to have one of their members spout such lies amidst real suffering.

      BTW Gustavo probably better if you take your address and phone number off next time

    • Thank you, Gustavo. Do please let us know if you get a response. Mr. Resendes deserves not only to be fired, but to be investigated and tried for corruption, accepting bribes, abuse of power, etc…

  7. Just imagine all those people standing in line with Dollars in their hands, instead of Bolivars. Were these ‘customers’ to be holding a legitimate currency (real money), a typical store owner would bend over backwards to accommodate hundreds of people waiting outside the grocery store to buy HIS products with their hard-earned money.. He would quickly employ more cashiers at the check-out, or hire the local kids for home delivery. When money has no real value, …who cares?

    • Just imagine all those people standing in line to buy the products for their ACTUAL value, the store owners would build waiting rooms with AC machines so they would be comfortable.

      The problem is that the regime has destroyed the business through absurd regulations in order to impose a monopoly to achieve political control of the population.

  8. I’ll play. The REAL problem is that since most people are RIGHT HANDED, they use their right index finger. This is wrong, obviously. The people are simply not participating, not doing their part, and not being politically correct. This is treason, really. Tracion a la patria. This is the cause of inflation, shortages, and other problems. So from now on, the captahuellas will only be done with the index finger of the LEFT HAND.

  9. We should produce more instead of importing so much, the government must help the national industry, it is ironic that a country that became socialist is so bad at industrial intent. China and the soviet union based their socialist values on developing national industries but venezuela cannot feed and give proper clothing to its own people.

    even for socialism this goverment is a bad socialist.

    • Because it was done on purpose, for political reasons, that’s how communism works, you sink people in the most outrageous misery to control them.

  10. Acabo de leerle esto a un chavista “Q arrechera yo cobre 3.500. Q es lo q gano semanal y compre un kilo de queso y uno de caraota y en eso gaste mi semana d trabajo 3.100” ( @Alejandrodgarci Mar 12 ) pero lo de ese artículo no tiene nombre. Gracias por el enlace.

    • Dile que “ahora sí tienes patria.”
      Realmente me da risa ver como los chavistas se quejan de estos problemas, que no es porque existan esos problemas, si no porque les toca a ellos también, cada vez que un chavizta sale dándose golpes de pecho se les entirra la boca cuando se les dice que ese es el legado de su amo por el que salían matándose a votar.

  11. I feel confident the ignorant and absurd policies will only increase as things become more desperate for the government. As long as the population sits back and let’s it happen, expect more of the same. The tipping point may be when everyone is sitting in the dark as Guri stops functioning.

    • You see things too clearly. (Your post deserves a “++” but the thing is, the humor is so close to reality, funny as it is, it leaves an empty feeling in the stomach, a kind of pain in the chest. Something must be done to remove the bastards.)

  12. I sent my comments on this post twice before, about 2 hours ago, and they have not been posted. I would not like to keep insisting if there is a reason not to post them. I can understand

  13. Well, in the State of Yaracuy they went even further. Stores (private or public) are not selling anything scarce whatsoever! No more queuing. Instead, the local governments along with Consejos Comunales are selling and delivering the goods door to door. You are forced to buy their specific combo, whether you want or need the products and quantities or not. You have to pay in advance, and add a “delivery” charge. You neither know when they will show up to collect the money, nor when the package will be delivered, and you better have the money available, because you don’t know when they will sell stuffs again. Also, it’s not only the heavily subsidized presentations (like Harina P.A.N. at Bs 19, or Pasta at 30 Bs). The “premium” presentations (Harina PAN at 200, or Pasta at 480), since they’re scarce as well, are being sold through this scheme. Let alone the huge corruption derived and the (political) discretion when awarding the food and basic goods.

  14. It looks like someone did the math and found out people get more pissed off when you don’t do anything than when you appear to do something, because even by maduro standards that’s stupid…

    • Carina II – From your blogname I assume you are a woman. Not that a man wouldn’t say the same thing, but somehow when a woman says it, especially exactly as you put it, it seems to have more bite to it. Made me laugh.

  15. OMG! WTF?!?!???? My day has been kinda shitty and randomly chose this post (the dazzled bambi caught me …) This can not be. It really can’t. Damn them all . I wish all those bastards irritable bowel syndrome with hemorrhoids, permanent erectile dysfunction, monthly kidney stones, tooth decay in all teeth, fingers deformed by arthritis and permanent bad breath, among many more… All of them will burn in hell…

  16. Not sure the ministerial announcement was that of a final or fully developed decision , if you read the original its obvious that the description of the purported measure was only in rough draft form , and still needed much fleshing out. My guess is that because they are short of money they will prioritize its use to buy stuff which they will channel direct to those needy people whose votes they can most easily bribe or extort , even if they rest of us starve ……thus Maduros reference to having each regime sympathizer provided with a special ID card which they can then use to recieve food packages delivered to their door , of course in exchange for their availability when the regime calls on them to appear in a mass meeting or at a voting poll .

    This mechanism is alredy being put to use , know of two people of humble condition, one in Zulia another in Caracas who tell us that they have relatives who live in barrios where cheap food packages are being distributed to people whose ID Cards have been previously collected by the Local Comuna so the next day they can go and collect their packages !!

    Of course come election time their addresses and names will be used by the regime to call on them to come to vote if they are to continue recieving those packages . Inflation and scarcity making the buying of essential foodstuffs so difficult this is one sure way of ensuring their votes and simpathies.

    They are creating an improved network to get out the vote using the incentive Ive just mentioned to make sure lots of people heed their call ……..!!

    When they have the system in place they wont fear that much having a revocatorio ……!!

    • My house got one of those packages yesterday in maracaibo.

      A beautiful assortment of rice pasta harina pan and sugar. Super nutritive! Can barely handle all the protein they’re giving away.

  17. 2016 and we’re still repeating the “they don’t know what they’re doing” stuff?

    They know exactly what they’re doing: Making us beggars and flat out killing us with no contempt while cashing out the $ (that remain). It’s actually quite simple really. Let’s stop pretending they care in the slightlest about solving anything.

  18. The govt has one priority , staying in power , as long as they can , anything they do is directed towards that purpose , there is no long term plan ……for the country, except that which allows them to remain on top,

  19. Distraction and humiliation, and also testing new social control mechanisms via the delivery dor to door of famine rations…

    The DO know what they do. Stop complaining and wonder at the outrage and get serious people or it will be even more disastrous.

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