End-of-Times Chronicles


As though there wasn’t enough of a pre-rapture vibe to this Semana Santa, El Nacional is now reporting that multiple crocodiles have been spotted in tourist hotspots like Higuerote, Carenero and Rio Chico.

So, y’know, #AbsolutaNormalidad.

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  1. So the imperio heated up the water so the crocs invade the sacred shores of Venezuela! It’s all that carbon-based petroleum that imperialism uses, that leads to global warming.

    Venezuela’s record is spotless.

  2. Perhaps they just saw Diosdado, Delcy, and Luisa Ortega on vacation. Or perhaps the handbags or shoes of one of the daughters of the corp$e.

  3. Miren el lado positivo, aun hay cocodrilos en esa zona!!!!! … no hemos acabado con todos!!! … quien quita que hasta se pueda asumir que el agua no esta tan contaminada!!! …
    Lo malo es que yo lo digo de buena fe, en serio de pana, pero claro no vivo alla. La gente que esta alli me imagino debe estar asustada con eso.
    La version y explicacion del gobierno va a ser mas comeflor aun

  4. A slimy, scaly, cold-eyed crocodile spotted on the beaches of Rio Chico? Is it possible to check whether or not Iris Varela is on vacation?

  5. That should be a Caimán de la costa (Crocodylus acutus), a menaced species with presence in the Laguna de Tacarigua, which is close to the horrid Higuerote’s beaches. There are only three species of the Crocodile family in Venezuela, none of them are called “cocodrilos” in the country.

  6. Here’s a report from Reporte Confidencial:

    La Organización Nacional de Salvamento y Seguridad Marítima de los Espacios Acuáticos (ONSA) informó que en las últimas semanas se han visto cocodrilos en las rampas de instalaciones en las poblaciones de Higuerote, Carenero y Río Chico.

    El fenómeno presumiblemente se debe a las alteraciones en los niveles y temperaturas del agua de la Laguna de Tacarigua, así como de otros espacios naturalmente ocupados por estos reptiles.

    Solo los cocodrilos pueden vivir en agua salada o dulce debido a glándulas en sus bocas, mientras que los caimanes sólo pueden vivir en agua dulce.

  7. …At least people doesn’t have to worry about street dogs eating their garbage…

    Also, take and domesticate one of those things, it’ll make one of the most badass watchdogs ever.

  8. So, Caimanes de la Costa were spotted on la costa? Oh, no, STOP THE PRESSES!

    Lets just hope they’re not killed by some ignorant mob. They’re threatened enough already.

    • La gente en este país se defeca del susto ante el colector de una buseta, ¿Crees que van a ir a plantarle cara a una trampa de oso con patas?

  9. This is not a bad thing. This could turn out to be a 15th engine. Think about the competitive advantage over countries like Chile.

    No hay pollo pero….

  10. After reading this chronicle it dawns on me that these crocs are really innocent tame creatures compared to those really dangerous creatures I was reading about a moment ago , its reported that several drug dealing gangs (150 men strong) invaded and closed off this barrio in El Valle to seek and anhilitate the members of a rival gang which had been trespassing their turf , they went from place to place killing them one by one until the last four were cornered at the highest point of the barrio and killed off , totalling 10 people dead , some of whose bodies where draged to a neighboring street and burned……!! Definitely Venezuela is experiencing an historical involution , going back to those barbarous days of our XIX century when people were massacred almost for sport …..!!

    Poor crocs , they should be afraid of the most barbarous among us ……!!


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