I’ve never said any end-of-the-year words in a toast before, much less in a post, but in normal circumstances I think throwing some generic message of hope could work. “Y que el próximo año nuevo esté lleno de alegrías y prosperidad para todos” RCTV end-of-year promo style.

That’s not good enough this year. Obviously. I still have that framework in my mind, that template for how these messages should sound. But the more I think about 2017, the more it lurks like this horrible monster, a tropical demogorgon waiting around the corner. Hyperinflation, food shortages, unobtainable medicines, malandros, the narcostate, it’s all there.

2017 is coming whether we like it or not, so we better talk about how we face it, and what better way than with one of my favorite video games?

The Legend of Zelda: The Ocarina of Time

2017 is like Ganondorf, the villain. He takes the kingdom by force and becomes king, destroying everything in his path and engulfing the kingdom in a darkness where all sorts of monsters appear. When our hero Link meets him, he has already faced giant lizards, witches and this thing, but nothing like this guy.

Did you think 2016 was bad? Wait until you meet Ganondorf.

In a way, his design is kind of lazy, he holds a part of the Triforce (a sacred relic) that gives him power, which he uses to get more power. Ganondorf feels like the undefeatable monster, it starts off twice Link’s size, and when you thought he was done he will (spoiler I guess) transform into a giant sword-wielding-bull-thing.

We are Link, the good guy meant supposed to defeat him. He’s small and only carries a sword and a shield. Link doesn’t have any superpowers. He’s not bulletproof, he doesn’t fly, he doesn’t do magic. Hell, I don’t think he can even talk.

But he has a trick up his sleeve: the gods gave him the Triforce of Courage (he doesn’t know it, it’s in his soul or something).

“Carnivorous plants appeared out of nowhere and started eating people? Where is my sword?” He’s that kind of guy.

He can feel fear, he can die, and he’s humbled by every threat he encounters, but he never loses his courage, even if his band members and closest friends leave the country (wait, that’s me, not Link).

And then we have princess Zelda. Caracas Chronicles and its community is Zelda. When Ganondorf took the throne, she was just a child, and managed to escape with Impa, the loyal protector of the princess.

Living in hiding, Zelda learned everything from Impa growing up, even fighting. Zelda is made for this stuff, she knows about the war, the families, the alliances, and she is the true heiress to the throne. Pa’ completar, the gods granted her the Triforce of Wisdom, so she knows her stuff. She aids our hero mostly with information, Link cannot think about everything, he’s doing the lines for food, I mean, fighting the monsters, so the outsider’s look is very valuable.

Now’s no time for generic toasts; they would be dishonest. 2017 is our Ganondorf, the monster that puts everything we’ve seen to shame. It won’t be easy and it won’t be quick, but Link and Zelda, courage and wisdom, are a pretty tough combination.

We have a new monster to slay, and we will do it together. See you in 2017. Now, where is my sword?

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  1. I think there is some beauty about it. No matter what or who, some art can inspire emotion and feel unique, feel individual, even though in reality is not. I think for example is genius how Link never have spoken or even had dialogues. Nintendo just prefers you to respond for him in your head and you to give him your voice. They know if they give him a distinct personality you might still like Link but you might not going to BE Link.

    Could you imagine a chavista on laiguana doing the same analogy but using ” guerra econòmica” as Ganondorf?

    As a lifelong geek, It has been a long running inside joke i have with myself to spot people using the same fantasy properties as inspiration from diametrically opposed worldviews. It is the wonder of the monomyth i suppose, you can project pretty much anything onto it,

    Over the last 17 years i have watched both communists and right wing people use the exact same Star Wars quotes for example, unironically in the same manner as in “look, look, what is happening is just like Star Wars”. The evil empire sometimes is the U.S, sometimes it is the soviets or castrochavismo and so on.

    It is specially hilarious with Lord of the Rings, hippies love Tolkien because he speaks of the beauty of nature, but neonazis love Tolkien because every heroic race is white and they think orcs represent black people, each group is convinced was either doing propaganda for them or against them.

    I am not even surprised to realize how some people can equate Jesus Christ, Bolivar, Che Guevara and Luke Skywalker in such a light handed fashion as heroes of the same cause , because in a fantasy way, they kinda are and every underdog rebel story is the same. Outside the myth of course lies a different story, but is much more complicated and depressing.

    I too love Zelda and would like to believe that i have the courage to pull trough a 2017, be a hero and see villains fall. but at the same time i know irl the game is not going to be even remotely as fun.

  2. Muy buen artículo, Carlos. Si Link y Zelda hubieran jugado por la MUD este año, en particular durante los últimos meses, con Sabiduría (apreciación de la fuerza relativa de los jugadores), y con Coraje (la única estrategia posible en el único equilibrio de Nash de este juego), la realidad de 2017 hubiera sido otra. Para esto, mira mi rendición del “juego de la gallina”: http://www.lapatilla.com/site/2016/10/18/felipe-perez-marti-obediencia-constitucional/

  3. Sorry, just came up quickly but, to be frank, you put it so so easy :p Please, think of this as a chiguirebipolarezca response to your post

    En noticias nacionales, el lider negativo de la Penitenciaria de Kokiri, Rodrigo Zaldana, alias “El Link”, cayo abatido tras recibir 57 impactos de bala por parte de cuerpos de seguridad del estado tras una confrontacion que duro horas en los alrededores del templo del tiempo. Los presuntos hechos se sucitaron cuando El Link amenazo la soberania nacional al liderar un movimiento para el cambio de Gobierno, haciendo llamados desestabilizadores de magnicidio al conminar a la poblacion a acabar con el presidente obrero Ganondorf Maduro Moros.

    Durante las experticias, se encontraron en su poder numerosos artefactos explosivos e incendiarios que serian empleados durante el golpe: “ocho bombas convencionales, nueve flechas de fuego y hasta media docena de bombachus fueron halladas entre las pertenencias del occiso, con la clara intencion de ser usadas en un acto terrorista en contra de la nacion” profirio el Ministro Reverol al referirse a los hechos. Asi mismo, el alcalde del municipio Libertador, Jorge Rodriguez, resalto el rol de fuerzas paraestatales en su apoyo a la intentona golpista: “de donde saco tantas joyas este muchachito? como pensaba financiar sus actos criminales? Pues es muy sencillo: con el apoyo de la MUD y Estados Unidos, quienes otorgaron un lote de rupias al occiso para que orquestara actos desestabilizadores en nuestra nacion. No lo permitiremos!”

    Al momento del cierre de esta emision, el SEBIN se encuentra realizando allanamientos en la zona de Deku, tambien conocida como Los Palos Grandes, para dar con el paradero de Navia Corina Machado, autora intelectual del frustrado alzamiento.


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