We have a new monster to slay, and we will do it together. See you in 2017. Now, where is my sword?

I’ve never said any end-of-the-year words in a toast before, much less in a post, but in normal circumstances I think throwing some generic message of hope could work. “Y que el próximo año nuevo esté lleno de alegrías y prosperidad para todos” RCTV end-of-year promo style.

That’s not good enough this year. Obviously. I still have that framework in my mind, that template for how these messages should sound. But the more I think about 2017, the more it lurks like this horrible monster, a tropical demogorgon waiting around the corner. Hyperinflation, food shortages, unobtainable medicines, malandros, the narcostate, it’s all there.

2017 is coming whether we like it or not, so we better talk about how we face it, and what better way than with one of my favorite video games?

The Legend of Zelda: The Ocarina of Time

2017 is like Ganondorf, the villain. He takes the kingdom by force and becomes king, destroying everything in his path and engulfing the kingdom in a darkness where all sorts of monsters appear. When our hero Link meets him, he has already faced giant lizards, witches and this thing, but nothing like this guy.

Did you think 2016 was bad? Wait until you meet Ganondorf.

In a way, his design is kind of lazy, he holds a part of the Triforce (a sacred relic) that gives him power, which he uses to get more power. Ganondorf feels like the undefeatable monster, it starts off twice Link’s size, and when you thought he was done he will (spoiler I guess) transform into a giant sword-wielding-bull-thing.

We are Link, the good guy meant supposed to defeat him. He’s small and only carries a sword and a shield. Link doesn’t have any superpowers. He’s not bulletproof, he doesn’t fly, he doesn’t do magic. Hell, I don’t think he can even talk.

But he has a trick up his sleeve: the gods gave him the Triforce of Courage (he doesn’t know it, it’s in his soul or something).

“Carnivorous plants appeared out of nowhere and started eating people? Where is my sword?” He’s that kind of guy.

He can feel fear, he can die, and he’s humbled by every threat he encounters, but he never loses his courage, even if his band members and closest friends leave the country (wait, that’s me, not Link).

And then we have princess Zelda. Caracas Chronicles and its community is Zelda. When Ganondorf took the throne, she was just a child, and managed to escape with Impa, the loyal protector of the princess.

Living in hiding, Zelda learned everything from Impa growing up, even fighting. Zelda is made for this stuff, she knows about the war, the families, the alliances, and she is the true heiress to the throne. Pa’ completar, the gods granted her the Triforce of Wisdom, so she knows her stuff. She aids our hero mostly with information, Link cannot think about everything, he’s doing the lines for food, I mean, fighting the monsters, so the outsider’s look is very valuable.

Now’s no time for generic toasts; they would be dishonest. 2017 is our Ganondorf, the monster that puts everything we’ve seen to shame. It won’t be easy and it won’t be quick, but Link and Zelda, courage and wisdom, are a pretty tough combination.

We have a new monster to slay, and we will do it together. See you in 2017. Now, where is my sword?

Carlos Hernández

Ciudad Guayana economist moonlighting as the keyboardist of a progressive power metal band. Carlos knows how to play Truco. 4 8 15 16 23 42