Nina’s Vamosbien-o-meter, Vol. II

While some professional pessimists complain about the speed of this transition (because toppling a dictatorship must take a couple of magic tricks,) the dictatorship keeps shrinking its action range under international pressure.

Photo: The Daily Beast, retrieved.

Thought I’d come back to spread facts and spark joy in your life. Maduro can’t catch a break and that brings us hope because we can’t help but be petty. No compassion for dictators.

In what experts are calling a frigging ginormous march on February 12th, Youth Day, caretaker President Juan Guaidó announced that February 23rd will be H-Day. Humanitarian aid will enter the country in five days, “no matter how.”

He took a selfie and the sheer amount of people is… well, look at it.

There were 72 protests in Venezuela that day, commemorating the lives we’ve lost in several battles for freedom, and demanding Maduro let humanitarian aid enter the country. Venezuela is divided into 23 states, one Capital District and Dependencias Federales (25 “states,” in practice.) That means there were 2.88 protests “per state,” or 3.1304 protests, if you insist on leaving out the Capital District and that group of 89 tiny islands.

The caretaker President added that this humanitarian avalanche includes a new collection point in the state of Roraima, Brazil. On Saturday, February 16th, volunteers that enrolled through got all the information they need to help. Guaidó and AN deputies held a meeting with volunteers in Caracas, where they swore to help and do whatever they could for other Venezuelans. The line was five blocks long and most of the volunteers that showed up were left out because the parking lot at the newspaper El Nacional headquarters was too small. 600 thousand volunteers have enrolled in, despite the government’s feeble attempts to sabotage the website. It’s one of those moments when you’re just proud of your countrymen.

On Sunday, there were humanitarian camps on the works all over the country.

Marco Rubio, Maduro’s worst enemy and your aunts’ favorite gringo politician, is in Cúcuta as I type this. Saying that Rubio is fully committed to our cause is an understatement:

Slovenia just recognized Guaidó too, making it the 49th country to do so, all EU countries but four. We’ll take it.

Also, “positive neutrality” is more positive than neutral, we just didn’t speak Vatican. The Pope calling Nicolás “Mr. Maduro” instead of President Gordocomunista? We’ll take it, yes, with a side of dulce de lechosa.

British billionaire and Virgin founder Richard Branson announced a concert on Friday 22nd in… Cúcuta, Colombia, the Tijuana of the Venezuela-Colombia border. Funny, that’s where two shipments of humanitarian aid have already been sent by the U.S.

Cool coincidence, Mr. Branson.

That means there’ll be like 100 cameras and international TV channels, foreign correspondents and press from all over the world in Cúcuta the night before humanitarian aid enters the country. That close to Venezuela and on that precise date? Weird timing, huh? You mean that all they’ll need is a good enough zoom in button or lens to capture what Maduro will do to the trucks loaded with medicine and food and to the people who’ll march on Saturday to receive the supplies? Cool.

Guys, don’t worry. Maduro is losing everything but weight.

We are sad to inform that nobody has confirmed if they’re calling it Cucustock, Cucuchella or Cucutallooza.

On the energy front, Maduro is too, as they say, screwed, without control of the oil income in the U.S.; the AN named ad hoc boards of directors for PDVSA and CITGO and everyone on board is qualified to be there.

President Guaidó invited a delegation from the EU Parliament to, you know, bear witness to our tragedies and this movement to end them. And if they had any doubts that Maduro is trying to hide how bad it is, they could only smell it from Maiquetía as they were stopped, their passports confiscated and deported as soon as they landed. Nothing says democracy and freedom like treating Eurodeputies like criminals.

One last thing! Maduro’s ambassador to the UN, Samuel Moncada, can’t leave NYC (said U.S. court, not me,), so he can’t travel to Washington where OAS headquarters are. How did the song go? ‘Cause I would crawl 25 miles… to see his face when he found out.

Guys, don’t worry. Maduro is losing everything but weight.

Pay no attention to the weird parts of Twitter, one of the few fields where chavismo is still fighting. We can’t hear them over the roar of our citizens’ momentum. We got this. #VamosBien #SeguimosBien

Nina Rancel

Nina is an actress and comedian living in Bogotá. She loves reading and correcting people when they screw up, which is perfect for working as a copy editor at Caracas Chronicles, because she gets to do both.